Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize