I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
