If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This baby is an asshole
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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