I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
