I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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