I just pynch a tree in the face
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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