i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
