the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I AM VODKA MAN
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
