a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So vagazzling was a success
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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