Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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