We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
