i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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