you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i think im in europe. pls send help
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