writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
