I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
