batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
