So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you inspire me to be a worse person
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
