I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
