Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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