I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
