I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
