You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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