I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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