Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
