the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
