Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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