i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
