One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
