then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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