We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
