Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
