East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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