shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
