I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
