I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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