Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
