The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
