Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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