You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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