I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize