WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
