Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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