pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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