I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
