And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
