A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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