I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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