her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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