worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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