So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
