I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize