I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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