So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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