Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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