I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
