I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
