I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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