two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
