Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
