So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
