At least make sure they are 18
Why
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
