Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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