Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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