just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
