I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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