he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
