You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
