A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Acid is not a monday night drug
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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