He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize